Darlings, we are in Stirling tonight. It's raining. The 8 track tape player in the pink faux fur upholstered Bluesmobile has ceased to function. It's still raining. My driver is getting a bit grumpy. 18 foot long left hand drive cars are a bit of a liability on the wet, cobbled streets near Stirling Castle apparently. Lovely houses here, mind you. I might even consider moving here if the retail therapy opportunities are adequate. However, for tonight I am here to cast my beautiful blue eyes over Waroffice and Five Park Drive.
The Tolbooth is a lovely venue well suited to my upmarket tastes. There is, however, a bit of a problem. The lack of a headline band for some reason has left only the aforementioned two bands on the bill for tonight. Perhaps that explains the lack of an audience. I thought that I had walked into a sound check. The lack of a decent bone dry martini does not help my nerves either. My God, they still sell Golden Wonder crisps here as well.
The first band on stage is Waroffice. They are nice looking boys, especially the drummer. Yes, especially the cute drummer. He has good rhythm and that is important in so many ways. They play with much energy but little finesse. Perhaps dispirited by the poor turnout, the guitarist swaps between impersonating Pete Townsend and Martin Metcalfe (Goodbye Mr MacKenzie, Isa & the Filthy Tongues). With only an audience of friends, I conclude that we are not hearing them at their best. Whilst the vocals were simply lost in the emptiness of the room, the closing song - I think it was called "Lambs from Skye" - showed their promise.
Promoted to headline status, the final band of the evening is Five Park Drive. Again I find myself disappointed by the lack of a crowd as this is a band with a bit of pizzazz. Clearly more experienced in the ways of life than Waroffice, they are slick and truly sound like a band rather than a collection of pals playing together. The lead singer, Liam Davies, has been rolled in the magic pixie dust and exudes charm and stage presence. He even remarks somewhat sarcastically to the audience that this must be the best £6 they have ever spent. Well darling, in a few years time, there will only be 8 people in the world who can truly say that they paid £6 to see you before you were big and I do believe, dear readers, that this four piece band will be big. There is plenty of variety to their songs and the dear, sweet boys are not fazed by playing in a near empty room. Things then get a bit surreal. After an extended period of skin beating, the manic little puppy of a drummer manages to break his drums. The very talented guitarist hangs his guitar on his head. Our Liam sits on the edge of the stage and sips his beer whilst the sound guy affects a repair. The band returns and, like true professionals, finish their set. Equal parts Small Faces, the Jam and Oasis, this band is a fine blend that will certainly satisfy your ears.
It has to be said, dear readers, that attending this event felt like crashing a houseparty and finding out that you don’t know anyone. Even worse, nobody had bothered to tell anybody else that there was a party going on. That is just so embarrassing. It really does annoy Bluesbunny Girl when promoters forget to do what they are supposed to do and promote a gig. A turnout like this in a town as large as Stirling is quite frankly unacceptable and does a disservice to the (rather cute) bands involved. The Bluesmobile driver suggests fried food on the way home. No problem, as long as he is paying. He grunts. I’ll take that as a yes. He’s a sweetheart. Really.