I hate that Paddington Bear. You think the furry little bugger would have made enough cash to retire and, just maybe, return to Peru. But no, give the bear some cash and he'll turn up and pollute our television screens by appearing in adverts fro Marmite. Don't give me that stuff about credibility either. Everybody knows that Paddington eats marmalade (even supermarket own brands) so he gave the appearance of a good socialist not tied to a corporate sponsorship deal. Now he has sold his soul for a pot of Marmite. What message does that send to our children?
Anyway, as revenge, the very sewer at the bottom of the Bluesbunny Vinyl Vault was dredged and guess what floated to the top? Paddington Bear's Gold Record, that's what! Apparently, it features songs from the stage musical of Paddington. Yes. Paddington is not the friend of the proletariat that we thought he was. He was just faking it when he set about bringing humanity and a social conscience to the Brown family. He was actually a method acting luvvie all along!
The songs on this album further the myth of Paddington as our cute little friend. Ok, there are a few laughs along the way. "Marmalade King" contains the line "… this old fruit is well set in his ways", for example. Disco diva Amii Stewart even picks up a vocal credit thus giving further evidence that the bear was just lining the pockets of his showbiz pals. Maybe the appearance of these star names is what makes "Bearobics" so special? Or maybe not, you traitor to your class. The bear was probably spending his time hanging about in Studio 54 rather than in a railway station.
The next thing that you know, that bear will be turning up in Hello magazine talking about his rehabilitation from drink and drugs. Then he'll get his own talk show. Bet he even let Tony Blair use his holiday home in Bermuda!
There's a big sticker on the front of this record stating that it is pressed on gold vinyl. Well, it's not. It is pressed on a vile, translucent greeny yellow vinyl that is strongly reminiscent of the colour of Barr's Limeade (not a very effective hangover cure, by the way). Will the bear ever come clean?